


Pull yourself together

by suchalongaway76



Series: Rocktober 2020 by Lily [8]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: 1970s Era Queen (Band), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catharsis, Friendship, Gen, Low Self-Esteem, Music Creation, Self-Esteem Issues, Song: Spread Your Wings (Queen)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:28:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27055687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchalongaway76/pseuds/suchalongaway76
Summary: John don't feel capable to write songs. Freddie tries to encourage him to continue writing.Filling the prompt for day 8 "Unwavering"
Series: Rocktober 2020 by Lily [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956658
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5
Collections: Dork Lovers Server Challenges





	Pull yourself together

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic as a cathartic way to express the frustration that sometimes I feel about my writing.

John didn't feel he was capable enough, despite on the outside, he was determined, unwavering. He tried to start writing so many times, but nothing came to his mind. He felt that he not only had to write something, but also something that could be adjusted to the band's standards. John saw Brian and Freddie writing without any problems, meanwhile he was facing a blank sheet of paper, with nothing "good" in mind. Perhaps, he thought it wasn't something good because he set the bar very high, and he was too self-critical, too hard on himself. 

At that time they were preparing  _ News of the World _ . 

While in the recording studio, the conversation came out. 

-Hey John, we're waiting for your contribution for the album. How are you doing? - Brian asked.

-I'm on it, Bri, you know how I am with that, hehe - John said, laughing falsely. 

-If you need help, tell us-Freddie added. 

-I can handle it by myself, don't worry. Thanks for offering, though, guys. 

Neither Freddie nor Roger were too convinced. 

-Hey, and nobody asks me? -Roger said to ease the tension he felt in his friend. 

-Because you told us you had  _ Sheer Heart Attack _ \- Brian said.

-I have one more surprise- he pointed out, winking.

-Are you going to make a song about your cat, Roger? -Freddie asked, playing along. 

-The cat lover is another one -Roger answered, pointing to Freddie. 

-Ah, you got me, darling, I don't know how you guessed it! -Freddie added. 

John smiled. Goal accomplished for Freddie and Roger.

\----------------------------------------------

Later, that night, John begun to cry and to rant on his room.

-Why the fuck things don't work out for me? I don't know really why I try to write songs, if they're not even that good... While Brian and Freddie's songs are singles, two of the three songs I've written are a fiasco. I'm not good at writing, it's way better that they don't have "my contribution". Oh Brian, saying it so lightly... HA! If you spend all your fucking time reading literature and things come to his mind. It's a joke that someone with more capabilities has songs next to my shitty stuff. I'm sick of all these requirements. I'm tired of the responsibility. Seriously, I hate myself for agreeing to start writing songs in the first place... ha, things come naturally to Freddie. I just have three songs, why can't we fucking accept that I'm not good at songwriting? I don't have the lyrical skills. Write music? Yes, of course, but lyrics? Ah no, that has to be left to the other two. At least I'm not the only one who "contributes just a little", but I don't have to feel comfortable or proud of that either...  **I'm fed up with this** \- he shouted, throwing away things that were within his reach and throwing himself into his bed to continue crying for a few moments. 

Minutes later, he wipes away his tears and grabs a pencil and paper that were on his bedside table. He has something to write on.

_ Pull yourself together, ‘cause you know you should do better _ . 

What he wrote was more of a self-message than anything else. That phrase came into his head and he had to turn it over, so he wouldn't forget. "Maybe I'll think of something related to that later". When he put the notebook back in its place, he heard a knock on the door. It was Freddie. 

-Now can I come in, John? 

-Yes, I'll let you in. 

John opened the door to his room and left the singer in. They sat at the foot of John’s bed.

-I heard everything, honey.

-Ah? -John asked, faking surprise.

-All you said.

-I'm sorry, I... 

-Don't apologize, honey. These things happen. I understand your frustration. 

-Ah Fred, don't pretend to understand me.

-Hey, I'm not always inspired. 

-Following that criteria, I'll never be inspired. 

-Don't say such a stupid thing, John- Freddie said.

\- You've already proved that you can write great hits. 

-Only one of my songs came out as a single, I don't know what you're talking about Freddie. It's easy to talk when you write  _ Bohemian Rhapsody _ . My songs are shit besides to that song.

-John, how many times have we talked about it? You're just slower, but that doesn't mean you're bad. 

-What if I am? 

-You really aren't. I see great potential. You just have to stop comparing yourself to me and Brian. 

-It's impossible to tell the truth... you two write masterpieces... All people love your songs.

-People loves  _ You're my best friend _ ... 

-Yes, it's because it’s the only good thing I've written ever. 

-You are good John, I don't know how to tell you any more. 

-Stop saying it then and assume that you were wrong about me. 

-Okay, I think you're still hysterical. I'll leave you to rest.

Freddie gone and John remained pensive. More phrases have come to his mind, he wrote them down.

_ You told me six and you passed past seven. I believed you, bent on my knees for you. Oh, I trusted you, but you let me down. _

"They don't make sense, but well... inspo it's inspo", he thought.

After a much-needed bath to relax body and mind, he went to bed.

-Perhaps Freddie is right. What if I'm writing the band's next hit? Now, more calmly, he was convincing himself of Freddie's words. A part of his mind didn't like this at all and wanted to boycott him with pessimistic thoughts.

-Ah... enough! No. I'm not going to let you pass. Get the fuck out. Let me sleep in peace. -he said aloud with his eyes closed.

To sleep in peace, he took a deep breath and imagined himself far from his hotel room, being anywhere, but happy and free. When he least expected it, he fell asleep.

The next day he woke up much more relaxed. Getting dressed, thinking about the dream he had, a few phrases came to his mind

_ He spends his evenings alone in his hotel room, wishing he was miles and miles away... _

Read the notebook and see that Freddie was right. He smiled.

\-----------------------

Back in the studio for another day of recording, John entered with his notebook and pencil.

-Looks like someone came ready to write today- Brian said, smiling.

John approached his colleagues and shows them his notebook from afar.

-I've been ready since last night- he walks up to Freddie and hugs him.

-With you, always- Freddie said in his ear, tapping him on the shoulder.

Freddie left the embrace, but Roger takes advantage and hug John.

-I knew Freddie would help you- he said in John's ear.

-W-what?

-You're our brother Deaky, how could we not know?

Brian kept looking at the scene trying to understand what was happening, until he finally got it. "Now I understand everything", he thought.

Roger and John left the embrace. After that, John wanted to say something to Brian.

-I have two contributions- John said.

-But that's great-answered Brian, patting him on the shoulder-. This is the first time you've brought two songs!

-We have to celebrate- Roger said, winking an eye.

-It's 10 am, wait a little for the alcohol- Freddie said.

-But look who's talking, Mr. Champagne

-Without any shame, darling.

John and Brian laughed at the scene.

\------------------------------------------

Months later, one of those songs would be a single for which they would record a video clip. Preparing for this, John started to think "Freddie was right, I have the capacity and my songs matter too... Look if they matter that one will have a video clip... Although, I don't know if the chosen set was the best choice." It was winter, and they were outside, his hands were beginning to feel it; but he was happy that they were recording the video clip. Also, because from that day on, they were representing themselves. They had spread their wings and flown away from John Reid.


End file.
